Reading this weekend's New York Times's article on the deftness and ease with which the rich in Pakistan avoid paying taxes, an idea struck me. Well, actually to be perfectly honest, it struck my father -- who passed it along to me. The fact that he is currently lying in a hospital being pumped full of mind-altering drugs doesn't in any way undermine the quality of the idea. In fact, it just makes me want some of those drugs. 

Because it is an idea of striking clarity and manifold levels of appeal.

In short, it may well be that two of the biggest threats facing the United States America -- the decay of nuclear Pakistan and the rise of the Tea Party movement here at home -- suggest a grand solution fraught with opportunity (and delicious ironies). 

We need to keep an eye on Pakistan, but can't officially send troops there. Further, we can't afford to keep the ones we have in Afghanistan (who are actually there to keep an eye on Pakistan ... shhhh ... don't tell anyone) there indefinitely. And beyond that, we don't want to put our valued troops needlessly at risk.  

At the same time, at home we are confronted by a new political movement whose leaders drape themselves in the flag and then proceed to espouse a worldview that is alternatively un-American (anti-immigration in a nation of immigrants, anti-personal freedoms like choice, pro-infusion of politics with religion) and ante-diluvian (anti-science, pro-vigilantism, pro-solving problems at the point of a gun). They are out of place here and lord knows -- given our history of success without them -- they are expendable.

The tea-baggers want a country? Let's give them one: send them to Pakistan. 

It's a marriage made in heaven. Admittedly, there may be some disagreement as to which heaven, but let's leave that to them to work it out.

Think of the ways the Tea-bagger worldview makes Pakistan a much more natural place for them to live than America:

  • Tax Policy: As noted at the outset and in the Times article, inequality in Pakistan is growing at least in part due to one of the reasons that it is here: the rich don't have to pay taxes. Here, we can thank George W. Bush for that. There, they can thank inefficiency and corruption. But the result is the same: the U.S. government has got to cut big checks to make up the difference in both places -- as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton promised to do again this week while visiting Pakistan. But if the tea-baggers left and that eliminated political obstacles to actually implementing sensible tax policies in America, perhaps we could stop kiting those checks and starting writing ones we can actually cover.
  • Gun Control: Sharron Angle will be in hog heaven in Pakistan. (Except for the absence of hogs, given Islamic prohibitions on the consumption of pork, of course.) But Harry Reid's certifiably loony gun-loving opponent will love the fact that there ain't no silly debates about the meaning of the Second Amendment in Pakistan. There are probably more AK-47s in the country than there are books (see how perfect this fit is?). What's more, in places like Baluchistan and Waziristan, it makes a heck of a lot of sense to actually have one than it does say, well, anywhere in the United States.  What's more, returning fire in a gun-battle with extremists seems a lot more ethically defensible than hunting moose from a helicopter. (You helicopter hunters know who you are. You can't deny it. It's irrefudiatable.)
  • Religious Tolerance: Pakistan offers many provinces where the level of religious tolerance is seemingly the same as that of the tea-baggers-roughly zero. Admittedly, tea-bagger intolerance is manifest in the factually-dodgy assertion that America is a "Christian nation" founded on "Christian principles," whereas extremist intolerance in Pakistan is manifest in stoning non-believers to death.  But the distance between these two views is actually must less than it appears to be at first glance.
  • Love of Foreigners-- Again, nearly zero. Angle and her Teabuddies want to shut down our borders and criminalize looking Mexican. The Pakistanis have long had their own border problems and, the recent "trade deal" with Afghanistan aside, they have had real problems getting along with their neighbors.  In fact, they are as allergic to foreign influences as America's extreme right -- and both are united in their hatred of Hollywood values and Lady Gaga.
  • Foreign Policy: Quite apart from all the above reasons, there are probably mountaintops in Pakistan from which you can see the former Soviet Union. Which we know is all it takes for tea bag political hobbyists, including the Queen Tea Bag herself, to assert foreign policy expertise and affords yet another link between these two seemingly different but actually remarkably similar groups.

Here is a country with a large population committed to policies rooted in the values and outlook of centuries ago and a large group of Americans with a similar nostalgia for hangings, gunfights, superstition, racial and religious conflict and witch hunts. So theoretically, despite Pakistan's historically documented, deeply rooted strain of anti-Americanism, this may well be the one group of Americans with whom they have the most in common and thus, the ones with the best chance of building the bridge we need between our two cultures. And if we had to learn to live with less of the mean-spirited, misguided shrillness of the bagger rhetoric, I think we could handle it. And if it all ended badly for all involved, well, we could probably live with that, too.

Ethan Miller/Getty Images

 

EW66

1:29 AM ET

July 21, 2010

Wow

Is Rothkopf kidding? I don't even know where to begin. This is the worst FP posting I have ever seen. I had to read it twice and pinch myself just to make sure it was actually written by a FP contributor. If I didn't know better, I'd think it was written by a blogger in high school. Even taken exclusively as a joke, it's still awful writing that would make Jimmy Fallon blush. I am not a member or supporter of the tea party and I'm not even christian, so none of this stems from a personal bias. This is just sad and Rothkopf should be embarrassed. Will an intelligent and sensible FP contributor please call him out on this shameful post.

 

MOJO1

3:42 PM ET

July 21, 2010

wow

oH dear sounds like you have a problem with facts/free speech or muslims ,please go to the book store.

 

REVSAMCKING

11:28 PM ET

July 21, 2010

I couldn't agree more...

This is quite honestly the most despicable article I've ever read on this site. I was lead to believe that I was reading Foreign Policy not Huffington Post. I'm tempted to cancel my subscription if this kind of foolishness keeps up.

Hey Drezner, keep your dog on a leash next time.

 

HARIPRASAD

1:39 AM ET

July 21, 2010

Wow

Wow. I never expected a article like this on Foreign Policy. Don't get me wrong, I'm really liberal, and I think the Tea Party is full of idiots. But I never expected a respectful political scientist to call the tea party tea baggers, even though most political scientists think that the tea party is idiotic.

 

FERNANDOHLEME

2:06 AM ET

July 21, 2010

Liked it

Ironic at the edge an somehow talkative, but it is nice. Not to mention Palin's refudiate, awesome!

 

PCDE

3:45 AM ET

July 21, 2010

Angle to Pakistan sounds good ...

as long as Joe Lieberman, Chuck Schumer, and Eric Cantor are sent home to Israel.

 

ETHEKYAA

3:53 AM ET

July 21, 2010

Terrible untruthful article!

I am not American. I'm not particularly a fan of the libertarian and neo-liberal economics of the tea party. But, I find David Rothkopf's article to be especially vitriolic. This article reminds me why I love America and Americans yet I hate their ugly politics. If this is what American leftists are willing to say in public about their enemies I wonder what they really think in private. Disturbing.

Additionally, I find this article to be quite disingenuous by forcing the myth of social conservatism on a movement that solely focuses on economics often to the detriment of what I think are more important social issues. If Mr. Rothkopf took the time to read prominent traditionalist and social conservative publications within the U.S. he will see that they are quite disenfranchised by the tea party's obsession with economics alone.

 

AKS

8:13 AM ET

July 21, 2010

190 Million Pakistanis Arent As Stupid As Sarah Palin

One would've thought that people would've learnt from the reaction meted out to Joel Stein; if you're going to be derogatory towards an entire country make sure you're funny. Sadly this wasn't funny, I'm not even sure if this was meant to be, there's a certain edge to it.

And I can understand the edginess, Pakistan's a pain in the backside for the U.S. and is going to continue to be so for some time to come. It is rather lazy of you not to consider how Pakistan got or to take into account that anti-Americanism was largely spread in the country by regimes that had the unequivocal support of the United States government. Even that’s okay, every scholar is allowed a day off, and this clearly is an article written on an off day. But what is absolutely not okay is your characterization of Pakistan as a country whose founding principles and moral values are inferior to those of the United States.

I’m a Pakistani living in Karachi and it distresses me to see my country rot. But Pakistan is still home for me and I am immensely proud of this country. I’m a law abiding citizen, I abhor violence and do not own a gun, I pay my taxes and crave for greater equality, I’m a liberal democrat who would like to see more representation in government and a reduction in the power of the military intelligence complex (and civilian oversight), I’m a South Asian and want my country to refocus its attention away from the middle east and back to its own neighbourhood and strive for better ties with India and other SAARC countries.

I certainly wouldn’t welcome the tea party movement, nor would my compatriots. The ruling elite in the country may see eye to eye with the movement, but then both these bodies seem to benefit when the Republicans are in power and there’s an overextension of the American executive’s powers.

 

ARYABHAT

3:14 PM ET

July 21, 2010

Try to see beyond sacarsm

AKS, your love for your country and its citizens is quite understandable.

However, try to face of the facts raised in the article. Pakistan IS the place with highest per capita AK-47 owenrship. It is also the "Pornistan" - just shows the mindset and moral degeneration of ABOVE average Pakistanis who have Internet access. Average Pakistani must be worse!

190 million Pakistani do not protest when Ahmadis are killed in Pakistan but when Gaza aid ships are blocked. 190 million Pakistanis are not proud of Dr Abdus Sattar - (ONLY Noble prize winner from Paksitan whose isn't allowed to be claiming to be Muslim even on his gravestone) but of A Q Khan who gave them stolen Nukes!

190 million Pakistanis think it is OK to kill non-muslims in Pakistan, like 2 Christians killed in a court just a few days ago - and NO public protest. Imagine a Pakistani killed for being Muslim in Birmingham! EVERY one of 190 million Pakistani will then protest!

No, it is not just the Elite of Paksitan that has got rot but every part of it!

Go out and try to see a discussion where people of different nationality are there and see how fundamentalist position Pakistanis take.

Ahh, and please, for gods sake, Pakistanis should not call themselves South Asians. As culturally now they are VERY different - VERY fundamentalist - as compared to Sri Lankans, Nepalis, Indians and Bhutanese.

You are an EXCEPTION. 190 million Pakistanis are NOT liberal.

Face it!

 

FP READER

5:55 PM ET

July 21, 2010

"But Pakistan is still home

"But Pakistan is still home for me and I am immensely proud of this country"

Because it is home, I can understand why someone would want to feel proud.
What is not clear to me is in the case of pakistan is whether "immense pride" prevents people from seeing the full scope of its problems. In that case it may actually be detrimental to the cause of improving the country.

"I’m a South Asian and want my country to refocus its attention away from the middle east and back to its own neighbourhood and strive for better ties with India and other SAARC countries."
That seems to me to be a noble intention. Unfortunately I suspect that many Indians, in the U.S. anyway, would not like Pakistanis included in the South Asian "brand".
When we hear of Indians in the news it is usually for some positive accomplishment in medicine, or IT or even spelling bees. When we see a Pakistani name or face on television, its usually associated with some negative storyline. I was curious as to whether most Pakistanis would want to be considered "South Asian" anyway.
India, desipte its current growth rates, has a myriad of problems.
Perhaps for Pakistan it would be better to be considered an extension of the Middle East -(something like Israel might be considered an extension of Europe by some) to whom it looks to for its spiritual and some of its cultural roots. That may be a more attractive brand image - at least the opulent parts like the gulf countries.

 

REDLEG7

11:39 AM ET

July 21, 2010

Lighten up

I thought is was pretty amusing, yeah a little over the top, but funny nonetheless. Of course if you're a TBer yourself you probably won't find it as amusing and may want to provide Mr. Rothkopf with a 2nd amendment solution.

 

MOHUA

11:52 AM ET

July 21, 2010

Relax

I think people are over-reacting to the article ... Rothkopf isn't being serious.

I found the article amusing and refreshing.

 

JKOLAK

2:39 PM ET

July 21, 2010

Boston

Seems everyone has forgotten this country began with a Tea Party.

 

ARYABHAT

2:57 PM ET

July 21, 2010

Superb

A Brilliant article!

I wonder why Mr Rothkopf forgot to mention that once Tea Party team has shifted to Pakistan, it might be sensible to lock the place and throw the keys in Indian Ocean!

No export from Pakistan would be needed and perhaps after a few years they won't have money to import anything either. So that would be quite convenient!

If they need any extra AK-47 it could be Air dropped. Free of charge.

 

ZORRO

3:27 PM ET

July 21, 2010

Small boys...

...sometimes takes ants from one hive and put them in another to see the ants fight. That is really cruel to the ants.
As for TBs and Pakistan, well... ;)

If I am to be serious I thought the article was funny with a bitter edge.

 

MOHAIR.SAM

3:49 PM ET

July 21, 2010

Fraught with stereotypes, straw men, and all sorts of nonsense

Wow, I can safely mark Rothkopf off my list of regular reads. He's demonstrated his mastery of knocking down his own straw men throughout (people on the other end of the abortion argument regard the "choice" of killing a baby to be no choice at all, but why dignify a profoundly difficult issue with a sliver of respect for the opposing position?), and worst of all, he is painfully unaware of the irony of his own utter intolerance for people he disagrees with. (Thus with too many on the Left.)

If name-calling, childish hyperbole, and ham-fisted efforts at "humor" are all it takes to blog on FP, I'll forgo wasting further time here. The magazine's been sliding down the tubes for a while, too often adopting a tone of snarky put-down that is really tiresome. It's a real shame.

Oh, and I'm not a TPer. I just loathe puerile stabs at argumentation, no matter whom they come from.

 

MARK SEIGLER

4:12 PM ET

July 21, 2010

Funny, or not?

Yikes!

Is Rothkopf trying his best SNL writing debut? Or could it be that he's gone the way of the liberal dodo - pointing a finger of intolerance at over-taxed, justifiably frustrated yokles looking for less federal government domination? I can't decide.

If anyone should know better than to do a shoddy character assassination of a group of people, certainly should be a foreign policy expert.

 

DDSNAIK

4:35 PM ET

July 21, 2010

Can we all maintain a semblence of humor ? Seriously...

Just like the Stein article in TIME which caught much undeserved flack, this post by DR is perfectly acceptable when taken in a humorous light. Not to mention that the factual assertions are actually true...

It's one thing to be caught up in ideology/religion/partisanship/self preservation and another thing entirely to lose the ability to laugh at one's self.

 

EW66

5:45 PM ET

July 21, 2010

F

How can you say the assertions are factually true? I do not support the tea party but it seems to me that their main grievance has to do with less taxes/small government. Rothkopf does a 180 and sums up their political stances as, "anti-immigration in a nation of immigrants, anti-personal freedoms like choice, pro-infusion of politics with religion". And by the way, believing America is a Christian nation or that it was founded on Christian principle does not make your religious "tolerance" zero. And then ironically, his only statement on foreign policy (despite this being FP.com) is the old Palin can see Russia joke.
It is perfectly acceptable when taken in a humorous light, but the problem is it's not funny. I could still take him seriously if he at least partially succeeded at being funny. Most nerds, or "wonks" as Rothkopf just loves to call himself are just not very funny and this is no different. Okay, he tried his hand at comedy and miserably flopped. My guess is Rothkopf grew up watching a lot of Bob Saget on America's Funniest Home Videos just laughing his a** off!

 

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GANYMED

9:24 PM ET

July 21, 2010

Nice

Well done, Mr. Rothkopf! And all the others should stop whining. Polemics have been a part of serious journalism all along. The baggers are idiots and extremists - so let's call the idiots and extremists. I've never understood why saying out loud the truth is considered inappropriate in America? Well, maybe Terry Eagleton got it right: "Negativity is often looked upon [in the USA] as a kind of thought crime. Not since the advent of socialist realism has the world witnessed such pathological upbeatness."

 

MARK SEIGLER

3:59 PM ET

July 22, 2010

Whiner replies

Perhaps you can tell us all exactly what part of the Tea Party ideals are idiotic and extreme. Please be factual, especially pertaining to foreign policy.

 

GANYMED

4:56 PM ET

July 22, 2010

That's the point

the so called the party has neither ideals nor ideas. See: http://www.economist.com/node/16321546

From death panels to the nazi-communist conspiracy in the White House, those guys are just nuts.

See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUPMjC9mq5Y

 

MARK SEIGLER

9:41 PM ET

July 22, 2010

Re: whining

You got me there.

A general article about splits within the Republican party from the Economist and a video from "NewLeftVideo" productions taping the low-hanging fruit at a tea party. I would justifiably call bias on that.

History rarely sees rampant intelligence at protest rallies of any kind, left or right. Not really what a "rally" is for anyway. I'm not a member of the Tea Party, but I am a fiscal conservative. While there are some TP individuals that have a tendency to be luddites, the growing movement itself for decreasing the federal tax burden and government entitlement/etc. . . programs has a lot of merit. Staring at a 13 trillion dollar deficit doesn't help. We just have to figure out how to not waste money, save resources and not kill the job market. No small task, and Obama is admittedly floundering. To say "The baggers are idiots and extremists", is simply not true, not that it's inappropriate. If it is true, then all liberals are Pot-smoking, government dependent, socialists. but that's rather broad-brushed, isn't it? Mr. Rothkopf doesn't help by dog piling sophomoric jabs at a movement that has little to do with foreign policy. I believe that's why you are hearing a bit of push-back on this article.

 

GANYMED

9:25 PM ET

July 21, 2010

woops

them of course

 

SCOTTM2009

9:11 AM ET

July 22, 2010

The rise of the Tea Party is

The rise of the Tea Party is a great danger? Wow. Just think how dangerous it is for a liberal to adhere to the constitution. Rothkopf is an idiot as well as a stereotyping hypocrite.

 

ETHEKYAA

1:15 PM ET

July 22, 2010

Double Standard

When leftists engage in personal attacks they label it as humor and they tell the Right to "lighten up". When the Right engages in the same, it is widely condemned as "hate speech".

 

BOWMAN

7:27 PM ET

July 22, 2010

Perfectly reasonable

This article is spot on. The Tea party movement, and the hard-core republicans in general, have much in common with Pakistan. Their propensity to view anyone who opposes them as pure evil, their propensity for believing in all sorts of conspiracy theories of how Obama is a Nazi or Socialist, their crude world view of "us vs them" and "with us or against us" have a huge amount in common with Pakistanis and Pakistanis own paranoia and schizophrenia. For the tea party, "facts have a liberal bias" which is why they are mostly ignored, and for Pakistanis, "facts have an anti-Pakistan bias" which is why conspiracy theories are preferrable. So these two groups of delusional freaks have much in common indeed.

 

EW66

10:22 PM ET

July 22, 2010

Perfectly Hilarious

-"THEIR propensity to view anyone who opposes them as pure evil"
Sounds like the hardcore left to me.

-"Their propensity for believing in all sorts of conspiracy theories"
Again. 9/11 Truthers, New World Order etc. are almost always on the left.

-For the tea party, "facts have a liberal bias" which is why they are mostly ignored.
No FACTS? Sounds a lot like the most adamant tea party critics, mainly YOU!

 

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David Rothkopf is the CEO and Editor-at-Large of Foreign Policy. His new book, "Power, Inc.: The Epic Rivalry Between Big Business and Government and the Reckoning that Lies Ahead" is due out from Farrar, Straus & Giroux on March 1.

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