As
you may have read, General Jim Jones, the U.S. National Security Advisor,
seeking to turn that Middle Eastern frown upside down, cracked wise at the
Washington Institute for Near East Policy the other day. In so doing he showed
the kind of sensitivity toward Jews that some have concluded will be sure to have
him opening for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at the Laff Factory in Tehran in no time. Having
specifically gone to the think tank to reiterate America's commitment to Israel
in no uncertain terms, Jones cannily opened with a joke that turned on the
reliably funny topic of Jewish business acumen.
No
wonder they call him the funniest Jim Jones this side of Guyana.
Not
surprisingly, the comment offended a few people. We can only imagine that first
and foremost among them was America's self-appointed first line of defense
against the Israel Lobby, Steve Walt, who we have to assume was outraged that
Jones even went to the Institute in the first place -- given what Walt has
asserted is the allegedly pro-Israel stance of some of its experts. (Walt is recently
on the record as suggesting that the folks who work at the Institute be denied
any opportunity to ever work in the U.S. government because of their alleged "conflicts
of interest" -- which he twists himself into Mary Lou Retton-worthy contortions
to attempt rather unsuccessfully to distinguish from the more inflammatory
"dual loyalty" which we all know means "you can't celebrate both Flag Day and
Shavuos.")
Actually
on the record as being offended was Anti-Defamation League National Director
Abe Foxman who called the Jones joke "inappropriate." Personally, I found the joke funny -- what's
funnier after all than a story like Jones's about a thirsty Taliban being denied
a drink unless he buys a necktie from a Jewish merchant? That's the kind of thing we call a laff riot
in Gaza -- where they know something about riots. But other Jews, you know,
they're more sensitive than I am about these things -- not because they don't
have a sense of humor (think Jerry Seinfeld, George Burns, Grouch Marx, Lloyd
Blankfein, half of Chelsea Handler), but because after 5,000 years the same
punch lines get a little old.
Fortunately
for Jones, Jews aren't as sensitive about these things as other groups. As
others have noted, imagine if the joke had turned on the stereotypes of
different ethnic groups, African Americans, for example, or gays, or on a
clichés about boneheaded military officers. Jones would be enjoying the same
kind of career prospects as Michael Richards, considering shifting to a posting
in Silvio Berlusconi's cabinet or be left cruising the Pacific Coast Highway
with Mel Gibson. (It's a good thing he didn't call Ehud Barak "sugar tits.")
Some groups you can't make fun of in America. But Jews, they don't mind a good ribbing
from the Obama administration. Ask Bibi Netanyahu.
Since
it looks like Jones won't be fired any time soon, however, he's probably going
to have to give some more speeches. Given this, it'd probably be a good idea to
learn some distinctly non-stereotypical new jokes about Jews with which he can
open his speeches. Here are a few ideas:
A Jew walks into a bar. He says, "who's
buying?" When no one else offers, he
takes out his credit card and says, "this round's on me."
- A Jew walks into a bar. A woman approaches
him and says, "Wow, you have a beautiful profile. May I buy you a drink?"
- A Jew walks into a bar. Suddenly,
10,000 small missiles are launched into the bar from a neighboring
community. The Jew smiles and says, "Did somebody ask for a
light?"
- A Jew walks into a bar. He goes and sits at the table at which he and his family have been sitting forever. Suddenly a Palestinian comes in and says, "I
thought that was my table." The Jew
says, "Oh, I'm sorry. My mistake." And
he leaves.
Of
course, Jones's biggest on-going problem is hardly his lack of a sense of
humor. It's that despite his best efforts, he is still dogged by criticism from
some of his own colleagues within the administration -- despite periodic efforts
at rehabilitating his aloof image -- that he is the disconnected, remote chief
of a system that has thus far seemingly favored lengthy (some might say
dithering) process over the production of good, clear policies, a process that
cuts out key officials, and one that has been too dominated by the circle of
pols that are close to the president.
All
of which may, if you believe the buzz, foreshadow yet another joke, perhaps one
paraphrasing the Dorothy Parker classic which dates to the Coolidge years. It
might -- later this year, say the chattering classes--go like this: At a
cocktail party full of Washington whisperers one says to the other, "I
hear Jim Jones just resigned." Says the other: "How can you
tell?"
There
is, however, an important last irony here ... which is not quite the same thing
as humor: There are some people I respect enormously who very resolutely resist
the preceding critique of Jones and have been steadfast in their admiration for
him. High among this group of Jones supporters? Well, as it happens, the
Israelis -- who have no hesitation about offering genuine appreciation for his
directness, experience and intelligence. Which is saying something. Because in
Washington, when someone ... particularly someone you have been tough with ... is
willing to praise you behind your back and in private, that typically means
much more than most of the kerfuffles that actually make their way into the
news. (Even if those kerfuffles are so
amusing that nearly all including the most circumspect bloggers can't resist
them.)
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